


You Serious?

by fieryhotaru



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Anal Sex, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Guns, M/M, Male Slash, Murder, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Slash, Yaoi, sort-of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:16:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1809940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieryhotaru/pseuds/fieryhotaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joker is holding hostages so he can have sex with Batman. But their feelings complicate things. NOT movieverse</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> It took me a long time to like this pairing, mainly because the Joker hasn’t really been depicted as the world’s handsomest man much. But then I saw drawings by thundertori on deviantart (check them out), so as long as I imagine the Joker looking like that (hubba-hubba), I’m fine with the whole thing. Alright, I’m done ranting now. Enjoy my new story!

Batman swung from rooftop to rooftop, looking for Gotham’s first correctional facility. The Joker had recently escaped Arkham, again, threatening to kill a young female intern if they didn’t let him walk out the front door. The damn clown was still holding the intern hostage, as he made very clear over the radio this morning, and demanded to see Batman at the old asylum. Only Batman: no police, no military, no sidekicks. If Joker saw anyone other than a man dressed as a bat, he’d kill the young lady. Typical Joker.

Typical, yet always confusing. The Bat could never quite figure out the crazed man’s ultimate plan, and this one was no exception. Why was Joker so insistent on meeting only him at this place? Batman figured it to be a trap, but decided to go along with it anyway. He told the police and Robin to stay out of this and leave it to him.

He didn’t feel good about this. It should be just a simple rescue mission, but the Bat felt like it was something more. After all, the tone in the clown’s voice was… different. He couldn’t tell how.

He found the old, dilapidated building on the far east side of the city. He landed in front of it and read the sign: “Cross Corrections”. It was the asylum that preceded Arkham, founded by a woman named Monica Cross. It might have been an ancient place, but Bruce heard the technology and methods used here were far ahead of its time. And with the Joker fixing up the place, the machines were probably working better than ever.

Batman used his detective vision to look around. There were no thugs outside the building or looking out the windows. Batman tried opening the front door. It was unlocked. _What is going on here?_ He thought. He carefully walked into the foyer, and as soon as he did the lights came on.

“There you are, Bats. I was getting worried I’d have to blow this little lady’s brains out.” The Batman heard that grating falsetto voice through a microphone. “Come here, Batsy. Follow the sultry sound of my voice.” The Joker giggled. Batman used the computer in his glove to track the sound. As Bruce went through the building he made sure to check every room with detective vision to make sure he wouldn’t miss anything. There were no henchmen to be found. Batman was worried; what if there was no one here and Joker led him on a wild goose chase? What if the girl was already dead? Batman started running now, looking for any signs of life. Finally, he saw people through the walls. Three armed thugs, and two people sitting in chairs – no, one person sitting in a chair and one person tied to a chair. The Bat burst through the door.

“Let her go, Joker!” Batman was surprised to see only Joker sitting in the room when he turned off the detective vision. The clown sat by what seemed like a one-way window in a mostly padded cell. Someone closed the door behind him and locked him in the room with the crazy man. “What is this, Joker?” Batman tried kicking the door open, but to no avail. “Where’s the girl?”

“She’s right there, silly bat.” Joker motioned to the window and a light came on behind it, revealing the poor intern tied to a chair and gagged, makeup running down her face as she had been crying for hours. Three of Joker’s men surrounded her, their semi-automatics pointing to her head. “I tried to give the girl makeup tips but she wouldn’t listen.” He laughed. Batman already had enough, and leaped at the Joker, curling his fingers around that pale neck.

“Let her go, or I’ll…”

“Or what? Kill me?” Joker coughed out. “That’s exactly what the rules are! If you don’t kill me, I’ll have my stooges kill the lovely lady.”

“What are you talking about?” Batman asked. He never heard the clown say that before, at least not so blatantly. What kind of joke was this? What was the trick?

“I’m serious, Bats. Kill me, and the lady lives, as well as everyone else in this shithole of a city. That’s what you want, right? A world safe from the big bad Joker. All you have to do is squeeze a little harder, or use a batarang to carve out my heart.”

“What’s the matter, Joker, finally had enough?” Batman asked. Why does the Joker suddenly have a death wish? No, Joker knows that Batman will never kill. He’s just playing, as usual. “I’ll never do that.” Bruce let go of the clown’s neck.

“You have no choice, Batty.” Joker smiled.

Batman accessed his situation. The window was most likely bulletproof. The rest of the room was heavily padded, even the door, which he already tried opening. There was only one knob on the door and it was on the outside so he couldn’t pick the lock. There were no vents, either. None of that mattered anyway, because if he tried doing something the henchmen would shoot the girl. He couldn’t alert the police or Robin, because they wouldn’t get here in time and the Joker would know if he did. They were in the middle of the building, so he couldn’t call the Batmobile to break down the walls and take out the henchmen. The Batwing would destroy the crummy building and everyone in it. He was stuck. He either had to murder the madman or have the girl shot instead. Difficult choice, right?

But Batman couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t dare become a murderer for the sake of the human race. It would curse him forever. But maybe he could suffocate Joker long enough to just make him unconscious?

“I can read your thoughts, you know.” Joker broke the silence. “This wonderful facility has heart monitors built into this room. My boys will know if someone’s really dead in here or not.”

“Why aren’t you killing me instead?” Batman balled up his fists. “You got me trapped in here with you. You could kill me instead of her. A much bigger prize, don’t you think?”

“Good point, but what fun is life when you’re not around?” The clown smiled.

“I wish I could say the same, but even so, I won’t take a life.” Bruce looked at the girl. She was no longer crying, actually, she seemed to be coming to terms with her fate. It was painful to see that look on someone’s face. _Don’t give up…_ He said to himself, and silently to her. “That won’t stop me from beating you until you’re half-dead.”

“Oh Bats, I knew you’d make this difficult. I guess I have no choice…” He raised his hand to a thug, signaling him. The biggest one pressed a button on the wall and blinds for the window came down.

“No!” Batman pressed his hands on the Plexiglas. “Don’t do it!”

“They can’t hear you, and will you let me finish my sentence?” Batman glared at the evil clown. “I guess I have no choice… but to give you another option.”

“And what would that be?” The Bat had that bad feeling again.

“Fuck me.” Joker said bluntly. Bruce blinked a few times, not sure if he heard that right.

“Excuse me?” The Dark Knight asked, almost squeaking.

“You heard me.” Joker stood and took off his purple jacket. “Must I tell you of the birds and the bats?”

“With you?” Batman tried not to flinch. “You can’t be…”

“But I am…” The Clown Prince of Crime’s face was inches away from the Bat’s. “… Serious. I’ve been very serious, lately. Especially how I feel about you. It took a while to understand what it was. Hell, I thought it was just another mental issue to tack onto my résumé.” He circled around the caped man. “But I can’t help it. I’m attracted to you, Batsy. And whether you like it or not, you’re gonna have to do something about it. Or kill me. Or kill the girl. Whichever you prefer.”

Batman was at a complete loss for words. Joker attracted to somebody is quite a feat in itself, since he’s so self-centered, but to be attracted to Batman was the most unbelievable thing. And the Dark Knight did not believe. Oh sure, a madman could have sexual needs, but why not use a girl? Why not Harley? She’s willing to open her legs for her Puddin’. And if Joker was gay, why not one of those thugs out there? Why in love with… wait, Joker didn’t say love, he just said ‘attracted’. Maybe the clown was playing him after all.

“My offer has a time limit, Bats.” Joker snapped Batman from his thoughts. “If you don’t decide, the pretty girl’s gonna get a shave and a haircut.” He raised his fist to the window, as if about to knock on it. Batman grabbed Joker’s arm and swung him into the chair, leaving wooden pieces everywhere with the pale man in the middle.

“You’re sick. I’m not playing games with you.”

“It’s no game.” Joker sat up. “But we could make it one! Maybe, a king and his slave? Cop and his prisoner? Husband and wife?” He held his stomach as he giggled.

“That’s enough.” Batman gritted his teeth.

“Oh, I see.” Joker put a hand to his chin. “You’ve never done it with a man, have you?”

“And you have?” Why did Bruce just ask that? He felt his face get hot.

“A few times. With women, too.” The clown said casually. The Bat knew it. Uses and loses. “But who cares about my little black book? I have my eyes set on a big, black-clad bat.”

Batman stared at the Joker, simply dumbfounded. Maybe he was serious. But it’s true; Bruce never had sex with a man. He never wanted to. However, he wasn’t homophobic or anything and it’s not like he didn’t know how it was done. But… the Joker, of all men, was forcing this upon him.

The Bat, for the first time, looked over the crazed clown assessing his attractiveness. The Joker was a handsome man: tall, slim body yet still fit, very pale but still flawless skin, and pointy yet esteemed facial features. His hair was green but it always looked nice. He tried imagining the Joker smiling normally, instead of like a lunatic, and he liked what he imagined: a slight curve in the red lips and brightness in those perfect, white teeth. And his eyes… his eyes were a problem. Yes, they were a lovely shade of green, but the glow in them was that of a homicidal maniac, not a lovesick man.

“I don’t believe you.” Batman folded his arms.

“I don’t believe me, either.” Joker shrugged. “But you will believe two bullets through that dumb blonde head of the girl’s.” He grinned. “Hey, fucking’s not as bad as killing, right? I’m trying to help you, here! You can end it all…” He turned over and stuck his ass out. “With mine!” He laughed hysterically. “Unless you want me to fuck you, which would be pretty strange if you ask me.”

“Fine.”

“I’m sorry, fine with what?”

“I’ll have sex with you.” Bruce finally decided to suck it up and do it. Feeling shame was nowhere near as bad as having blood on his hands. He took off his belt and cape and climbed on top of the clown.

“Now hold on…” Joker was surprised, but he’d have been surprised by any choice the Bat made.

“What now?”

“There are rules.”

“More?” Batman cringed. He really didn’t want to think too much about this. He was about to have _sex_ with his _mortal enemy._ Wasn’t that enough?

“You have to make me feel good.” Joker purred. “I don’t care if you’re rough or sweet, Sweets, but you can’t just put peg A into slot B. Got it?” He removed his white gloves with his teeth, revealing just as white but long, slender fingers underneath.

“… Got it.” Batman leaned down and did something he would have never done before… kissed the Joker. It was a forced kiss at first, until… the Dark Knight started to like it. No, he had to like it, because Joker told him to… right? The Clown Prince kissed right back, opening his mouth slightly to push his long tongue inside the Bat’s sweet mouth. Batman let it happen, and their tongues danced together slowly. Joker smiled into the kiss and put his arms around the Bat’s neck, pulling him closer. _He knows how to kiss…_ Bruce thought, lifting the thin clown a bit so his back rested on the padded wall. He broke the kiss and moved his lips to Joker’s white neck, making sure to leave marks.

“Ooh, Bats, you’re pretty good.” The clown ran his hands over Bruce’s back. Batman undid Joker’s tie and quickly unbuttoned his orange shirt, leaving a trail of rough kisses down his pale shoulders and chest. His gloved fingers found the Joker’s nipples and squeezed hard. “AAH!” Joker cried out.

“Are you sure they can’t hear us?” Batman asked before licking the wounded nubs.

“They can’t. I know how shy you are… ooh…” Joker let out a choked giggle while the Bat wrapped his strong arms around his back. Batman came across a bruise on Joker’s stomach. He sat up a little and found more bruises scattered around his body.

“I didn’t do this. Who did?” He asked the clown.

“Getting out of Arkham to see you wasn’t easy, Bat-twat.” Joker put his hands on the floor to keep himself from sliding. “Why don’t you put that pretty mouth of yours to better use?” He pointed to his nether regions. “Down there.”

Batman cringed a little. He reminded himself that if he didn’t make the Joker feel good, he’d kill the lady. His eyes narrowed as he slipped his thumbs into the madman’s pants and underwear (which was purple with green polka-dots) and pulled them down around his ankles. Joker was indeed excited, and smiled with pride. Batman wrapped his fingers around the clown’s member and squeezed, making Joker groan loudly. He removed Joker’s shoes and pants completely as he stroked the pale manhood so he could get in between his legs easier. He leaned down so he was face to face with it, and looked up into the Clown Prince’s eyes. For the first time, the Bat actually saw some vulnerability in those manic eyes and a blush across his cheeks to match. Bruce felt confident, and swallowed Joker’s dick whole.

“YAAAH!” Joker squealed, followed by pitiful laughter. “Holy shit, Bats…” He jerked his hips up into the Bat’s hot mouth. He looked down and watched the Dark Knight suck his dick, and nearly passed out at the sight. The man’s lips looked beautiful around him, and those blue eyes glittered with smugness. Those leather-clad hands rubbed his white thighs and ass roughly. This is what he wanted from the Bat for a long time, and he was finally getting it.

However, something was wrong. Something was… missing… but the clown brushed it off. It was probably nothing. Well, they were missing some lube and a condom, but who needs that shit, right? Joker tried putting his hands on Batman’s head to push him down more, but he felt strong hands pull his wrists away.

“Don’t touch the mask.” The Bat ordered quietly, trying not to make Joker mad.

“Oh, right, sorry.” Joker put his hands up and smiled as innocently as he could. Batman left the clown for a moment to grab his belt, finding some ointment. “Aw, how sweet, thinking of my bottom.”

“It’s not the right stuff, but it should help.” Bruce came back between Joker’s legs and opened the tube, letting some ointment out on his fingers. He coated it around his digits and carefully put one into Joker’s pink opening. The clown jumped a little and moaned, starting to take deep breaths. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s just… it’s just been a while.” Joker replied almost cutely. Almost, that’s the key word. It could never be completely. Could it? Batman’s face flushed as he thrust his gloved finger in and out of the Joker’s entrance, enjoying the view. The clown was writhing and squirming all because of his finger. If this was the way he could submit the criminal clown, then that was just fine with him. He leaned in and kissed the red lips again as he added another finger. Joker moaned in the deep kiss. Batman used his other hand to stroke the clown’s member again. As Joker was distracted by that, Bruce added one more digit. He pushed them in as far as they could go, finding the Clown Prince’s prostate. “Fuck!” He cursed against the Bat’s lips.

“If you insist.” Batman joked dryly. He pulled his fingers out and took off his groin plate.

“Ha-ha, Bat-babe.” Joker looked down and saw a bulge inside the grey spandex. “So you are enjoying it, huh? That thing must be dying to get inside me. By the way, that’s a two-piece, right? I always wondered how you could go to the little bat’s room if it wasn’t.”

Batman didn’t respond with words. He simply pulled the lower half of his outfit down until his member was free. Joker hid his true surprise with a fake, girly gasp. The Batman had a penis to be proud of. “I-I must say, I’m impressed. I hope it isn’t just for show.” He grabbed the Bat’s dick and stroked it slowly. Batman couldn’t help but let out a groan. He didn’t realize how aroused he was; he was too busy thinking of the Joker’s pleasure rather than his own. But he was going to fix that now.

“Put your legs around my waist.” Batman said as he applied the ointment to himself. Joker, for once, did what he was told. Bruce lined himself up to the clown’s entrance, and thrust in a few inches.

“Sh-shit… oh, fuck…” Joker swore and hissed in slight pain, but soon laughed it off. He had to admit, he liked pain, especially from the Batman. The damn clown felt so good around Bruce’s cock, so hot and tight. “Come on, Batman, put it all in! Fuck me!” Batman didn’t need to be told again. He put his hands on thin, white hips and pushed deep inside Joker until he was fully sheathed. The two rivals both took deep breaths before the Bat started thrusting in and out of the clown slowly but with much force. “Uuh, Bats… so good…” The clown’s body shivered in ecstasy, his fingers clenching the soft floor beneath them. He could hardly breathe, and could hardly believe he was being fucked by Batman… who was now his Batman.

The Dark Knight sped up his movements and began plowing into the Joker, wrapping his arms around his small waist. His cock hit Joker’s prostate and the clown screamed, spouting curses and pleas out of his mouth. “Fuck me, Batman!” He fucked the Joker harder and harder until he came inside the clown while he came simultaneously, all over Batman’s uniform. He nearly collapsed over the clown but used his strength to sit up and pull out.

Bruce came to his senses as the high wore off. What did he just do? He had sex with his arch-nemesis, that’s what. And a man. And he enjoyed it. He felt ashamed. But he did it to save the young doctor. But he wasn’t in the clear yet. “Was that good?” He didn’t address the issue immediately; it might anger the madman. Yes, madman, not ‘new lover’ or something ridiculous like that. He took out a tissue from his belt and cleaned himself off.

“No, it wasn’t.” Joker caught his breath and looked up menacingly into those blue eyes, which were now showing anger and confusion. “It was… GRRREAT!” He threw his arms into the air and laughed. Batman breathed a sigh of relief.

“Then let her go.” The Bat insisted.

“Oh, yeah, almost forgot.” Joker pulled out a small communicating device from his jacket pocket. “Moe, unlock the door now, and then start running. The Bat might come to get you.”

“Wh-what about the broad?” The thug sounded nervous.

“Leave her behind, boys. Save yourselves!” Joker said dramatically before turning the communicator off and laughing. When he looked at the Batman again, he was already dressed. They heard a click and the door opened slightly. “What, no ‘thank you’?”

“Thank you.” Bruce said, but hardly meant it. He still wasn’t sure if the intern was still alive. Since when does Joker keep his promises?

“I hope we can do this again.” Joker said, putting on his pants. “Because if we don’t, I’ll have to take my frustration out in other ways.”

“Did you think I’d just leave you here?” Batman tried ignoring what the jester said. He went to grab the clown. “I’m taking you back to Ark…” He couldn’t finish his sentence as Joker kneed him in the stomach and ran off into the corridor, though not as fast as usual because he was just fucked in the ass. Batman ran out the door to find Joker halfway down the hallway with a button in his hand. He made sure the Bat watched him press it, and they heard beeping noises from everywhere. The Dark Knight looked up and saw TNT planted on the ceiling.

“Not just here, but everywhere!” Joker called to his Batman. “You have 25 seconds to get out! It’s me or the lady, Bats!” The clown laughed as he ran down the way Batman came in. The Bat acted quick, going to the girl, breaking the chair she was tied in and grabbed her, looking for a window to jump out of.

“Duck your head!” Batman told the intern. She listened, and Bruce used the grappling hook to break through the shabby window and it latched onto a nearby building. They barely landed on the rooftop before the whole correctional facility exploded.


	2. 2

The building blew up, and the young lady screamed as she heard the noise. Batman covered her with his cape so she wouldn’t be injured by flying debris. He then took off the gag and the ropes around her while scanning her for tracking devices. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah…” She could finally speak. The Dark Knight scanned the area for bodies, either of the Joker or his men. He didn’t find any, and the streets were now full of curious people looking at the destroyed area. He wouldn’t be able to find the madman right now; he needed to keep the girl safe.

“Let me escort you home. I need to talk to you.” Batman said.

“Uh, okay… I live in the Orange Leaf Apartments in Otisburg, room 615.”

“Got it. Hold on.” Batman took her in his arm and they flew over the streets of Gotham to get to her home, which was not too far away from here and, oddly enough, not too far away from the bridge connecting Arkham Asylum to the city. _She lives close to work. Convenient and dangerous._ Bruce looked down at the young lady. She was screaming in delight as she traveled with him, enjoying the thrill of seeing the city from way up here. He smiled, glad that she wasn’t crying anymore or worse, accepting her death. They reached the apartments and she pointed to her balcony, the two landing safely on it.

“Want to come in?” She asked, finding her spare key in her pocket.

“Very well.” He agreed, only to keep them from being seen and bothered. They entered the apartment and she turned on the lights to show her neat and tidy living room. She offered him some refreshments but he refused. Then, she sat deeply into her couch and sighed.

“Thank you so much.” She said. “I really thought I was going to die. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself! I’m…”

“Dr. Lee Cross.” Batman remembered. “You’re related to Monica Cross?”

“Yeah, she’s my great-great grandmother. I wanted to continue her work and fix up her old office one day…” She paused. “Guess I need to fix it even more now.”

“I heard you’re already doing great work at Arkham.” Batman heard from Aaron Cash that she’s really helping a few lesser known psychotics, and that it would be a shame to lose her.

“Yeah, working my way up.” She smiled shyly. “Funny thing is, I never had a session with Joker. I don’t even think I made eye contact with the guy.”

“So you don’t know what he was planning?”

“Well, I heard from other docs that he was acting different, stranger than usual. He was pretty much following orders and keeping to himself, thinking, even crying.”

“Crying?” The Bat didn’t believe that one.

“That’s what I heard. And then all of a sudden, he grabs me in the hallway and holds a gun to my head, where he got it, I don’t know.”

“What was he talking about after capturing you?”

“He was saying stuff like, ‘Nice place you got here’ and ‘I can’t wait for Bats to get here’.” She did her best Joker impression. “He said if you won’t kill him, I’ll be the one dead. Then he said, ‘I feel sorry that you’re gonna die, my dear.’”

“He felt sorry?”

“It seemed… like he really wanted you to kill him.” She became worried. “But you didn’t, right? I heard him laugh right before you saved me, but…”

“I didn’t kill him.” The Bat assured the doctor, but he grimaced thinking of what he actually DID do to the Joker.

“Then, how did you escape? What…” Being a psychologist, she noticed his tormented look. “What happened in there?” She said with concern for Batman. He didn’t answer, just swayed uncomfortably. She saw the remains of some fluid on his clothes. “What’s that? Blood or something?”

“Thank you for your help, doctor.” He turned and went to the balcony. “Get some rest.” He jumped off the edge.

“Thank you!” Lee got up and looked outside for Batman, but he was gone. “That was weird.” She shut the door and locked it, and decided to go to bed early.

BBB

Batman parked the Batmobile in the cave and got out, slamming the door behind him. He took off the top of his uniform and his belt as quickly as possible.

“Ah, Master Bruce,” Alfred greeted him. “Please show a little decency.”

“Please wash this for me, Alfred.” Bruce handed his clothes to his butler. “I’m taking a shower.”

“M-Master Bruce?” Alfred watched his master climb up the stairs hurriedly. “That bloody Joker must have gotten to his head again.” He went to wash the Batman uniform.

BBB

Bruce turned on the shower and sighed as the warm water ran down his body. He immediately grabbed the soap and started cleaning himself all over, especially… down there. However, no matter what he would do to get physically clean, he could never be mentally. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. This was nothing compared to when he slept with other villains like Talia or Selina, this was different, and far worse.

But he was forced to, right? He had no better choice than to do so. And he had to make Joker feel good. But in doing so, Bruce was feeling good, too. It felt good to kiss the red lips of the clown, to kiss him all over. It felt good when Joker touched his penis. And, by God it felt so good inside the damned clown, listening to him panting and cursing and screaming out just for him… Bruce shook his head, trying to stop thinking about it. He felt ashamed, like he didn’t just betray himself, but his whole city.

Batman realized all of that was trivial to this one fact: Joker kept his promise and let the girl live. Sure, Joker set dynamite to explode, but he should have known the Dark Knight would be able to escape in time. And if what the doctor says is true about how the jester was acting in Arkham, then he must be off his game, or maybe just coming to his senses. Wishful thinking. The clown said he’d make Batman have sex with him again, and there’ll be more hostages; who knows what he’ll do to them. Whoever knows with Joker? Batman wanted to think he knew. All he knew was now he had a sexual attraction to the Clown Prince of Crime, and he couldn’t talk to anyone about this.

Bruce got out of the shower and put on some shorts and a white tee. He needed to see Joker’s latest Arkham files to see what he’s been up to the past months, but first he should get some rest, if he could.

BBB

Bruce couldn’t sleep well. He kept having nightmares about you-know-who… sexual ones, too. Bruce was so glad he wasn’t thirteen anymore, or else he’d have a harder time controlling his urges.

He couldn’t concentrate at work. He was having a hard time listening to whenever Alfred, Tim, or Barbara spoke to him. And while he was patrolling the streets, he kept thinking about when the crazed clown would call to him again. But this time, he would be smarter than Joker. He would find the hostages, save them, then take the clown to the funny farm. Maybe then this whole twisted attraction to him would blow over.

When Batman had time he checked Joker’s files on his computer. Dr. Gretchen Whistler was his shrink at the time. She explained in her writings that the Joker had indeed been different, quiet, keeping to himself. She would try asking him about what was bothering him, but he would just put on a happy face and tell a bad joke instead. Since talking to him directly wasn’t helping, she would observe him in his cell when she could. He was writing down lots of plans on sheets of scrap paper. One time she saw him take the darts out of the Batman picture he had on the wall and threw them on the floor, then continued to stare into the picture longingly. Another time he said to a guard, ‘You know, there’s just no privacy in this cell. How’s a guy supposed to choke the rubber chicken in peace?’ Yet the doctor (thankfully) never saw Joker masturbating.

 _But I can’t help it. I’m attracted to you, Batsy._ Batman remembered what the Joker said that evening. It must be true; Joker is attracted to Batman. And those plans he was writing must have been for how he would get Batman to have sex with him. Maybe if Bruce kept sleeping with the clown, then his crimes could be prevented. But if Bruce ever did something wrong or angered the madman in some way, the crimes would be more severe, and it would be all his fault. What was he going to do?

The alarm went off. He patched into the police radio. “We got another call from the Joker.” An officer said. “He’s at the Falcone Shipping Yard with 20 hostages! He’s demanding to see Batman again, not us!”

“Forget that! We have to save those people!” Another officer said. Batman put on his cowl and ran to the Batmobile, hoping to get there before the GCPD. He was going to find out what to do with his enemy the direct way.

BBB

The Batmobile swerved in front of the police cars before they arrived at the shipping yard. Batman and the police came out of their cars.

“Commissioner.” The Bat was happy to see him.

“Batman, the Joker’s got…”

“I heard.” Batman said.

“We should stand down, huh?”

“Only until I’ve accessed the situation. Joker’s most likely not going to be in the same place as the hostages, which in that case we have to take him down first.”

“What makes you figure?” Jim asked.

“Let’s just say, Joker has a new M.O.” Batman eyed the Falcone Tower, which used to be the mob boss’s old office. The floor-to-ceiling windows were made of bulletproof glass, and the only way to get in was through the elevator. Batman switched to detective vision and indeed saw a lone figure sitting in the room. “Joker’s up there. He’s waiting for me.”

“Maybe we should surprise him instead.” The Commissioner advised. Batman remembered that before the place was abandoned, Falcone installed a state-of-the-art video security system around the whole place, and it was probably still intact. Joker might be using it to keep an eye on the hostages and his henchmen.

“No. I’ll go alone. I’ll let you know if I need help.” With that, he ran to the tower and used the grappling hook to get up the elevator shaft quicker. He thought he’d try sneaking up on the Joker as he sat in Falcone’s leather chair, but those damn cameras were in the office, too.

“Falcone had great taste, eh Bats?” Joker spun around in the chair, trying to be cool with a cigar between his lips. “I meant in décor, not cigars.” He coughed and threw the cigar on the floor, stepping on it. He took off his purple coat. “So, I guess you already figured out what’s going on here. Hostages, laughing gas, henchmen, police, sex, blah blah blah…”

“Not this time. You’re coming with me to Arkham.” Batman walked up to the desk Joker sat in front of.

“Oh, I’d love to come with you…” The clown stood and leaned over the desk. “Just not to Arkham.” He burst out in laughter. The Bat already had enough and picked up a batarang, aiming it at the computer. “That’s not gonna do you any good. See, we can only have an hour of passion tonight, Bats. In an hour, the laughing gas is set to go off, and those men will all have beautiful smiles on their faces. It can only be deactivated with a number code that only I know. If you or those stupid pigs try anything funny, my men can simply break the gas tubes with their big muscles. And they’ll know if there’s funny business going on that isn’t mine. The security system in this dump is wonderful!” Joker took a deep breath. “Questions?”

“Just one.” Batman’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Because I want to, Batsy-boy.” Joker started crawling sensually across the desk, coming face-to-face with his Caped Crusader. “And because you want to. I can see it those baby-blues.”

“You need to get your eyes checked.” The Dark Knight stopped Joker’s advances and peeked at the monitor. He couldn’t tell which warehouse the hostages were in, but he could see the massive tanks of laughing gas all connected by a timer, set to go off in 50 minutes. If he ‘asked Joker nicely’ to give him the code, he would never get an answer. The jester kept their deal last time, maybe he will again… or maybe not. He just now realized that as he was thinking, the Joker was taking off his groin plate and pulling down his pants.

“Maybe you’re right.” Joker snickered. “This thing looks bigger than it did last time!” He took Batman’s member in his elegant hand and began stroking it. Bruce held in a groan with all his might, but didn’t pull away. “We only have 45 minutes now, Bat-hunk, let’s make it count.” He gave it a hard squeeze and gently kissed the head.

Bruce hated himself for this. _It’s not supposed to feel good! It’s not…_ The clown licked down the shaft to his testicles, giving them a few licks and sucks. Batman had to let a moan escape as he got harder and harder. Goddamnit, this guy was good. Joker let out a triumphant laugh before trying to take the whole thing in his mouth. He couldn’t, but that didn’t matter to Batman. Joker’s mouth was so hot and wet he could have just let go right there. He looked down, and the clown’s green eyes were already staring at him as he sucked the Bat off. For once, that maniacal look in those eyes didn’t piss him off, but turned him on instead.

“Ah…” Joker pulled away, much to his Bat’s disappointment. “Am I really that good? You look like you ran a marathon. Wait, that wouldn’t tire you out, either.”

“Turn around.” Batman wanted to cut the chatter and get to it, and not just because he had a time limit.

“Ooh, yessir.” Joker saluted before turning around and pulling down his pants. He looked over his shoulder and saw the Dark Knight take out a small tube, but it wasn’t the ointment from last time. He couldn’t help but laugh. “So you did come prepared! You’re a better boy scout than Superman!”

Batman didn’t respond. Yes, he had brought lube this time, and he was embarrassed in doing so. It was almost like he really wanted this to happen, like he wanted there to be no choice but to fuck the damned clown. Could he do something else? He really didn’t see anything else he could do, and the police… damn, he forgot about them. He really hoped they would stay put and not come looking for him. He put some lube on his fingers and put two inside the clown.

“Shit, Bats, already… aaah… starting with two?” Joker felt his face heat up.

“It doesn’t hurt, right?” Batman twisted his fingers around inside Joker thoroughly.

“You know I like it rough, babes.” The pale man used his deep voice, causing the Bat to shiver, nearly at his limit.

“In that case…” He took his fingers out and pressed the head of his cock inside the clown. Joker screamed and clutched the edge of the desk. Batman found it hard to move; Joker must not be so used to it yet. He put some lube on himself and tried again. “Relax.” Bruce’s voice was husky as he ran his gloved hands under Joker’s orange shirt, rubbing his back to relax him.

Joker loved how sensitive Bats was, even when playing rough. But oh, how he’d love to see his Bat just let go and fuck him senseless, maybe even to death. Maybe he’d have to wait a little longer for that. He loosened up a little and Batman pushed further in, gripping the clown’s hips for leverage. Joker decided not to wait, and thrust himself back so the Bat was completely inside him. The two of them groaned in pain.

“Joker…” Batman tried showing concern. He looked down and saw a trickle of blood run down Joker’s pale thighs. “Joker, you’re…”

“I told you rough, didn’t I?” The jester looked at him. “Do it.” The Bat decided not to argue. In fact, this could work to his advantage later. He started thrusting in hard and fast, bruising the clown’s small hips in his grip. Joker was breathing raggedly, trying to hold himself up, but his arms gave out under him. Batman tried ignoring the blood and kept pounding himself into the Joker, trying to find his prostate. “AAH!” He must have found it. He hit that place over and over, and Joker felt himself become putty in the Batman’s hands. “Ooh, Batmaaaan…”

“Joker…” The Dark Knight thrust in one more time before releasing deep inside the jester. He soon followed, coming all over the desk. Bruce pulled out, looking at the Joker’s bloody and abused bottom. “Joker, I’m…”

“Don’t be. Batman shouldn’t feel sorry.” Joker stayed there for a moment before finding his handkerchief and wiping himself off. Batman did the same with his own tissue.

“No, but I should be asking you for the code.” Batman immediately got to business. He looked at the timer: 23 minutes to go.

“No time for snuggling?” Joker batted his eyelashes. Batman glared at him. “Fine. You may want to write this down; it’s a fourteen digit code.” The Bat had his wrist computer set while Joker pulled up his pants. “21-25-22-12-25-21-21.” Bruce was impressed that Joker had that memorized. “Oh, and those numbers mean something. You’ll see later.”

“This time I’m not letting you get away.” Batman said. He knew Joker definitely couldn’t run away this time.

“Oh yeah? Well…” The clown hopped off the desk but immediately hunched over in pain. “Ow…” The Bat put the jester in Batcuffs before throwing him over his shoulder. Next, he pulled out his explosion gel from his belt and sprayed the computer, the floor and a few windows. He knew the security system recorded them having sex and didn’t want any evidence found of that. Joker screamed as they jumped down the elevator shaft, landing safely thanks to the grappling hook. Finally, Batman pressed the button and Falcone’s office was destroyed. The Bat, with Joker still over his shoulder, began running towards the warehouses.

“Which warehouse are they in?” He asked.

“Hm, you know, I tried so hard to memorize those numbers I forgot what… OW!” Batman pressed a finger against Joker’s swollen hole. “What a low blow! I’m rubbing off on you.”

“Tell me!” He pressed harder.

“W5!” The jester squealed. Batman ran to warehouse 5 and kicked open the door, surprising the people inside. The three henchmen ran towards the Bat to attack, until they realized their boss was being held as a hostage. Little did they know that the Batman could still fight like this. “Hey, what do you think…?” Joker held on tight as his captor took out his stooges easily and ran to the timer.

“This better work, Joker.” Bruce entered the code, and it actually worked, the timer stopping at 15 minutes.

“You still don’t trust me?” The clown rubbed against him the best he could.

“Stop that.” Batman put Joker down and called the Commissioner. “Jim, you can move in. The hostages are in W5. I’m taking the Joker to Arkham.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s hard writing Batman fiction; you got to think of everything, just like he does! Ma brain hurts… lol R&R!


	3. 3

“I’m taking the Joker to Arkham.” Batman picked Joker up bridal style and headed out the back door, calling for the Batmobile to pick him up.

“You’re Bat-shit crazy!” Joker shouted. “I could’ve gotten hurt!”

“But you didn’t.” The car pulled up and Bruce put the clown in the passenger’s seat, closing the door quickly. He got in his side and immediately started driving in the direction of Arkham Asylum.

“But, Bats, there’s no conjugal visits at Arkham!” Joker pouted.

“We’re not married, Joker.” Batman grunted. He couldn’t let this keep happening, or else he might actually start developing feelings for the crazed clown; maybe it was starting already. No, Batman was not ending up like Harley Quinn. “And don’t even think about it.” He saw the jester make a dreamy face in the corner of his eye.

“Aw…” Joker pouted again, but instantly perked up, getting an idea. “You know, dear, when you take me to the funny farm, a doctor’s going to give me a physical. And guess what they’ll find?”

Batman’s eyes widened and stopped the car abruptly. He didn’t think of that… dammit…

“I’ll try to cover for you, saying I was raped by a monkey or something, but it won’t matter. They’ll still take a DNA test. And they will find out who that monkey is…” He cackled loudly. The Bat cringed. The doctors would find out his secret identity, and proceed to tell the whole damn world. “Sitting is really uncomfortable, you know. I mean, what are you waiting for? Take me to Arkham where I belong.” He giggled evilly.

The Dark Knight growled and drove into an empty alleyway, stopping right before hitting a condemned apartment building. He got out of the car, pulling Joker with him. He grappled up to a random window and jumped inside the empty room. He undid one of Joker’s arms from the cuff only to attach it to the metal bedpost. Joker tried pulling at the cuffs, but he wasn’t going to get out that easily.

“I always thought you were into this sort of thing.” Joker smiled. “Maybe next time.”

“I didn’t want there to be a next time.” Batman found an old newspaper on the floor. He picked it up and started writing numbers on it with his finger pen. “But since there’s no choice…” He gave the paper to the jester. “You call me directly the next time. I don’t want the police or the news getting involved in your new games.”

“Gasp! I get to booty call Batman?!” He looked at the newspaper. It was a 900 number. “I guess it’s untraceable, yeah?”

“It is.” Batman went to the window.

“Don’t forget about those numbers I gave you.” Joker grinned darkly. “It’s actually pretty Riddler-like of me; so unoriginal. Who will I steal from next?” The Bat heard enough, and jumped out the window, leaving the pale man behind to figure a way out of the Batcuffs.

BBB

Bruce typed the numbers from the timer into the Batcomputer. “21252212252121”. Now, what did they mean? Was it a series of dates? No, nothing significant of that. He tried matching them to letters in the alphabet. That didn’t make any sense. Maybe in reverse? No. “Joker gave them to me as double-digit numbers.” He thought out loud. He tried matching them that way, but it still didn’t make sense.

“Did the Joker leave you with a present after escaping, Master Bruce?” Alfred walked by, putting his Master’s afternoon tea down in front of him. Bruce told Alfred, Tim, and the Commissioner that Joker managed to escape instead of practically letting him go.

“Yes, he said these numbers meant something important.” The billionaire said. “Maybe a different alphabet?” He had the computer cross-check every alphabet in every language. There was only one that made any sense: German. “süβ küss.”

“That means ‘sweet kisses’, sir.” Alfred saw Bruce flinch after saying that. “Now what could that have to do with the price of bananas?”

“Not bananas, Alfred, but chocolate.” Bruce put it all together. “There used to be a Swiss chocolate store in Amusement Mile that sold chocolates called sweet kisses. And what language do the Swiss speak?”

“German.” Alfred said. “So he’s hiding there?”

“I doubt he’s there right now.” Batman said. “He should have known I would figure out this code quickly.”

“Don’t get a swelled head, Master Bruce.” Alfred walked away.

“Right.” Batman took a sip of the tea. _He’s been ‘generous’ to the hostages so far… I suppose I’ll just wait for him to call._

BBB

Three nights later, while on patrol with Robin, the Batman received that call. He really didn’t want Tim to be around when this happened. He pressed a button on his wrist computer to answer the call.

“Hey, Bats. Miss me?” Joker’s high voice seared through his brain.

“You have no idea.” The Bat said. He had been thinking of the clown non-stop, even though he tried stopping.

“Who are you talking to?” Robin asked. Batman held a finger to his own mouth, silently asking for him to be quiet.

“I hope you figured out that message. Oh, duh, of course you have! I’m waiting for you, and so are a few of your crime-fighting friends.” He snickered before hanging up.

“I told him not to get the police involved, but he does anyway.” Batman sighed.

“Was it Joker?” Robin wondered to himself how Joker could call them that way.

“Yes. Listen, I’ll take care of…” He stopped himself. “Actually, come with me. We’re going to make sure he doesn’t get away again.” He was not going to continue this game with the crazed clown, no matter how much ‘fun’ it was. It’s wrong, and it has to stop… _it’s wrong…_ He kept saying to himself. 

BBB

Batman and Robin landed on the roof of the Swiss chocolate store. The Dark Knight used Detective vision to look inside the building. He saw one person in the front of the store and several people in the back locked behind a huge door. “I knew it.” Batman turned off the detective vision. “Joker’s keeping the cops in the freezer.”

“How did you know where he’d be?” Tim wasn’t informed about Joker’s plan. He noticed that Bruce hasn’t been talking to him much lately; you know, less than usual.

“He left me clues.” The Bat handed Tim a weapon. “Use this to break out the hostages while I distract the Joker.” Robin looked at it. It was a heat laser gun that could go through any surface like a knife through hot butter. “Try to be as quiet as possible.”

“Alright.” Robin jumped to the back of the building to get started on rescuing the detectives while the Bat climbed down to the front door. He went in almost casually, hearing the doorbell ring as he entered. And there was Joker behind the counter, in his orange button-down shirt with an apron that said ‘Kiss the Clown’ on it. He was pretending to stir something in a pot until he saw his Dark Knight walk in.

 _“Willkommen_ , Bat-love.” Joker smiled. Batman looked behind the clown and saw the freezer door only a few feet away. The door had a little window, so he needed to keep Joker away from it until Robin was done. He jumped over the counter and stood in front of the freezer, looking inside. The police officers were tied up and shivering. Tim was already starting to cut the wall from the outside. “What can I get for you? Kisses? Suckers? A cop-sicle?” He laughed at his own sick joke.

“Where’s the key?” Batman tried asking, but knew he wouldn’t get anywhere.

“Bats, you should know how this works by now.” Joker tisked. Bruce looked at the clown, just now realizing he wasn’t wearing pants under the apron. He could nearly see through the white cloth, too. He gulped quietly. “Thought I’d make it easy for you this time. And this time I _really_ want it rough. Don’t ask me if I’m okay, don’t apologize, just fuck me, using any tools in the kitchen that you like.” Batman looked in the window again. Robin had opened the wall and was working on the first hostage.

“Batman, there’s a tank of laughing gas in here.” Robin was whispering in the earpiece. “It looks like it would only detonate with a remote that Joker probably has. I’ll get the police out of here ASAP.”

“I told you not to involve the GCPD, so you twist my words and do this instead.” Batman walked up to Joker and backed him against the wall.

“Funny, isn’t it?” The jester giggled. “The freezer thing isn’t quite my shtick, though. That’s more like something Freeze or Ozzie would do.”

“Bruce, I got them all out. You’re clear.” Robin said. Batman smirked and grabbed the Joker’s neck, choking him against the wall.

“Ooh, just can’t wait to get started?” Joker choked out.

“We’re not starting anything.” The Bat threw the clown against the freezer door, pressing his face against the glass. Joker gasped, seeing the hostages gone and a big hole in the back wall. “Because it’s finished. And this time…” He turned Joker around to face him. The madman was not amused. “No DNA attached.”

“You had the brat with you.” Joker punched the Dark Knight in the face, causing Bruce to trip backwards and hit his head against the counter. “I thought we could finally trust each other, that maybe we could meet without me having to threaten anyone… but you just had to keep being the Detective.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a vial with green powder inside and opened it. He pinned Batman to the counter with his free hand and put the vial under his nose. The Bat breathed it in and immediately started feeling the effects, feeling dizzy and hot.

“Wh-what…” Bruce started feeling aroused, getting an erection quickly. That powder… it smelled familiar…

“Told you I kept stealing everybody’s ideas.” Joker giggled, throwing the vial away. “It’s Ivy’s junk. Borrowed it from her a while ago.” He cupped his Bat’s face in his gloved hands. “I really didn’t want to do this, but you left me no choice.” He roughly kissed Batman. 

He kissed back hungrily, not being able to control himself any longer. His deepest desires were taking over; his desires to mercilessly fuck the Joker. He tore off the clown’s clothes and pushed him to the floor, cuffing his wrists together and putting them above his head. The Bat clutched one of his hands around the pale throat and started kissing and biting the clown’s shoulder down to his chest.

“That’s it…” Joker was gasping for air as Batman bit one of his nipples so hard it drew blood. This time it didn’t stop the big bad bat; he just licked it up and bit the other one. “AH!” Batman’s hands explored Joker’s white body, using the claws to leave welts and some bleeding scratches. He grabbed the clown’s erection and squeezed it hard. “Ow, I still want to be a man, you know!” He joked, but he still liked it. He liked it… but he didn’t love it. After all, his Bat wasn’t really here right now and would much rather have him than a mindless sex zombie, but the Dark Knight forced this upon himself.

Batman could only think of one thing: making the Joker his. Making him scream and beg for him, making his mark on him… mark. That was a good idea. He took out a batarang and held the sharp end out, pressing it to the skin just below the jester’s ribs. Joker gasped as he felt it carve into his skin oh so slowly, making it painfully enjoyable. He felt the object being removed from his skin and looked down, seeing the bloody bat insignia on his stomach. He threw his head back as he laughed hysterically.

“I hope that’s permanent.” Joker growled, looking the Bat in the eyes. Bruce was losing his senses further as he looked into the eyes of the crazy man who he wanted. He freed his erection from his uniform and pulled Joker’s hips up on his lap and, without any lube or preparation, pressed his dick inside the clown slowly until he was all in. Joker screamed in sheer pain but still tried to laugh. His whole body was shaking and felt weak and for fuck’s sake almost passed out.

Batman didn’t feel anything but extreme lust and started pounding into the clown, still biting and clawing at the clown’s abused flesh. Every erotic sound the Joker made drove him to go faster and faster. The clown couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his face and screamed louder when the Bat struck his prostate over and over. It hurt so bad but it felt so good. He could feel Batman getting closer to his climax, and just as he was about to touch himself, his partner did it for him. “Oh, fuck, Bats… fuck…”

“Batman?” Robin came through the front door, looking around for his mentor. He was taking too long and wasn’t answering any of his calls. Tim heard screaming and panting from behind the counter. “Batman, are you…!” He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Batman had just released inside Joker and the clown had come all over himself. He was still inside the clown and was actually getting ready to plow into him a second time until he felt someone grab him from behind, pulling him away from his jester. “Batman?! What the fuck are you doing?!” He struggled as Bruce tried to get away.

“Beat it kid, mommy and daddy are talking.” Joker sat up, trying not to sit on his abused hole. Robin looked at the crazy clown in disgust, and some worry, noticing all the blood on the floor where he was sitting and the bruises on his neck.

“What did you do to him?” Tim snarled, holding Bruce in a full nelson.

“Why don’t you blame the plant lady? She invented the stuff.” Joker started dressing, realizing that his fun was over for now. Tim was so grossed out by the whole situation that he couldn’t speak. “Well, tell Bats I’ll see him again soon. Gotta run, or rather, limp!” He laughed and walked the best he could to the kitchen’s back door, stopping only to find and put on his pants. Robin didn’t bother going after Joker, he had to take care of his partner first this time.

“God, Bruce, what did he do to you?”


	4. 4

Batman woke up in the Batcave, his vision blurry and his muscles twitching. “Hey, he’s awake!” He turned to see Alfred and Tim by the computer, their eyes filled with worry and pity. Bruce instantly knew what those looks were for.

“No…” He really hoped he was wrong. He didn’t ever want anyone to find out what was happening between him and the Joker. He tried remembering what happened: he found Joker in the chocolate store, Tim saved the hostages, and Joker used Ivy’s powder on him, and then… “No…” He repeated. Tim must have found him after that.

“I’m sorry, but I let Joker get away.” Tim stepped forward. “I had to help you first.”

“What happened?” Batman wanted to hear Tim’s side.

“Well, I got the hostages out and escorted them back to their cars, making sure they were okay. After they drove away, I tried calling you, but you weren’t answering. When I went back to the store you were… uh…” He blushed hard, trying to say this delicately. “Joker poisoned you with Ivy’s aphrodisiac. The stupid clown… made you rape him.”

Bruce sighed. _Right, to them it only looked like I raped him. They don’t know the whole of it. But still, I never wanted Tim to see me like that, even with a woman._ “Dammit…” He said, rubbing his head.

“Don’t worry, Master Bruce, you’re not to blame.” Alfred said.

“Yeah, and no one’s dead. That’s always good news.” Robin quipped.

“How badly was Joker injured?” Batman asked.

“Oh, uh… it looked bad, but he was able to get up and walk out the door, so…” Tim really didn’t want to think about what he saw anymore. Bruce could feel how uncomfortable everyone was.

“Did he say anything to you?” Bruce thought Joker might have blown his cover anyway.

“He said he’ll see you soon.” Tim said. “I guess he will, since I didn’t go after him.”

“It’s fine.” He was relieved. He got up and walked to the stairs.

“Where are you going, sir?” Alfred asked.

“Where else? To take a shower. A thorough one.” Batman headed up the stairs. Tim and Alfred just looked at each other quizzically.

BBB

Three days later, Batman received another call from his ‘favorite’ clown.

“Hello, babes. Miss me?” He squeaked in the Dark Knight’s ear.

“You poisoned me last time we saw each other.” Bruce said angrily. “And poisoned Robin’s mind for life. So no, I don’t.”

“That hurts, Bats. You’re the one who fucked up our meeting first, and not in a good way, either.” Joker spat. “You are alone this time, right?”

“Yes.” Batman said truthfully. He made Tim stay home and study for school. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m not letting this continue.”

“You’re drowning in the river of Denial.” Joker’s voice became dark. “I was there, remember? I heard you moaning, calling my name, saw your face when you…”

“Enough!” Batman yelled.

“Told you.” Bruce could practically see Joker grinning through the line. “I thought we’d try something different this time. Meet me tonight at the old Komedy Klub. If you don’t show up, something bad will happen in the future.” He hung up.

Batman shook his head. _Did he just tell me where he was? Without giving me a reason to show up other than to take him to Arkham?_ He didn’t really know what to think. Did he have hostages? Or was this just an invitation to a midnight affair? If that was the case, he could just pack up the clown and take him to Arkham, but he would just break out and do something wrong. He decided to go anyway.

As he swung from building to building, he thought about what Joker just said. _You fucked up first._ He couldn’t help feeling that the jester was right. Joker had been giving Bruce reasons to trust him lately, as far as trusting him could go, anyway. He had been releasing his hostages after they’d had sex the first two times, and while Robin rescued the detectives there were no tricks or booby traps in the freezer, except for the laughing gas which would have only gone off if Joker pressed the button on the outside. Maybe if he’d just had sex with the madman, the hostages would have been safe, he wouldn’t have been poisoned, and Tim wouldn’t have seen what he’d seen.

He arrived at the club. _One of Joker’s first hideouts,_ he thought. He looked inside and saw a faint light coming from the back room. He cautiously went in, keeping a batarang ready just in case. He peeked in the lit room, seeing none other than the Joker standing by a bed with a gaudy purple bedspread and emerald pillows.

“Remember when we first met here, Bats?” Of course the clown knew he was there. “We were young and innocent then.”

“You stopped being innocent the day you became a criminal.” He stepped out of the shadows.

“Which was your fault, remember?” Joker turned to face his Bat. “You took out my goons one by one, and came for me last. It was the first time you took me to Arkham that night.”

“You’re making it sound like a date.” Batman said.

“Am I?” Joker shook his head. “I’ve been a little off, lately.”

“And that’s my fault, too?”

“Yes.” Joker smiled. “Well, how about we get right down to it?”

“What would that be exactly?”

“There’s nothing to worry about, sweets. I’ve run out of convoluted plans, so now it’s just you and me. No hostages, no stooges, no police, no poison.”

“Then what did you mean about doing something terrible in the future?”

“If you didn’t come, I would have gone out and killed the first Johnny I saw. Something like that.”

“You’d better not be lying.”

“You still – STILL – don’t trust me?” Joker stopped smiling and approached Batman.

“You don’t trust me, either.” Batman stood his ground.

“True, but it was you who didn’t trust me first, and that began a long time ago.” The clown went behind the Dark Knight, the Bat’s awareness leveling up. Joker simply took off the cape. “Can’t we trust each other while we’re alone?” He touched the Bat’s shoulders, and he tensed up instantly.

“Why me?” Bruce asked partly to Joker, partly to himself, and partly to the gods.

“I was hoping you’d have the answer. I’ve been trying to figure it out for months.” The jester actually sounded sad. Batman turned to face him, and he almost gasped. For the first time, Joker looked like a normal human being. His face was showing a true frown, not a fake, overacted one, and his eyes were showing vulnerability and confusion, something he never has shown to anyone. Bruce couldn’t help himself. He leaned in and kissed the clown deeply and passionately, wrapping his strong arms around the small of Joker’s back. Joker threw his arms around Batman’s neck, pressing himself against that hard muscled chest. They found themselves walking back to the bed, Bruce getting on top of the clown, their lips never leaving the other’s.

Batman broke the kiss and latched his lips onto that pale neck, moving up to right behind his ear and tenderly biting the lobe. “Mmm…” Joker moaned and tightened his grip around the Bat’s neck. He had to pull away, however, for Batman to remove his purple coat, his green vest and tie, and the orange shirt. “Maybe I should start wearing less.” He joked as Batman continued to peel off clothing until the clown was naked. “Hey, why do I always have to be the only one naked?” He said cutely, pulling on the man’s tight spandex uniform. Batman glared at him, not about to say the obvious answer. “Oh, for Pete’s sake, you can keep the cowl on. And the gloves if you’re that worried about me finding out who you are, not that I care.”

“You don’t want to know?” Batman took off his top, trying not to remove the cowl in the process.

“Don’t you think I would have if I wanted to?” Joker gave him the stink-eye. The Dark Knight had never really thought about that before. Joker was very intelligent and had plenty of resources, plus he’s tied him up many times, having multiple opportunities to unmask him. But he never did. “It doesn’t matter who you think you are when you’re not wearing the costume, because Batman is the real you. You’re more exposed with the cowl than without it!”

“How do you know?” The Bat removed the lower half of his outfit. He kept the gloves on as well as the cowl. “You don’t know the other me.”

“No, but I don’t feel like it matters.” Right, Joker only wants to know and remember things a certain way. Joker’s World. “Now shut up and love me!”

“You spoke first.” Batman smirked, climbing back on top of the jester. He noticed the bruises around his white neck and shoulders, several bite marks everywhere and… a Batman symbol? “What… did I…?”

“Yes, you did.” Joker rubbed the mark lovingly. “Unfortunately it’s not permanent. Ooh, I should get a tattoo!”

“Don’t.” He said sternly. He felt bad about doing that to Joker, but he recalled that the clown had said Batman doesn’t feel sorry. But Bruce did feel sorry.

“You have scars, too.” The pale man had been staring at his Bat at the same time. His long fingers traced the bullet and knife wounds scattered on Bruce’s chest. He moaned, loving the feel of those cool white fingers on his skin. “I gave you this one.” Joker stroked the longest blade wound in the middle of Batman’s chest. “And this one…” A bullet wound in the shoulder. “And this one…” Another knife scar on his stomach.

“I hopefully didn’t leave any that would last.” Batman rubbed his gloved hands on the clown’s shoulders and began kissing and licking his lean chest.

“Ahh… there are some.” Joker waved his hand in front of the Bat’s face. Batman saw small burn marks and scratches on Joker’s hand and wrist. He remembered what happened; he’d thrown a batarang at Joker’s gun and it got jammed, causing the gun to explode in the clown’s hand. Bruce took the clown’s hand and kissed the scars. “Bats, don’t do that. Don’t get all sappy on me.”

Batman wanted to ask why, but decided against it; he might upset the Prince, and he definitely didn’t need that. He continued his ministrations elsewhere, starting with his mouth on the clown’s pink nipples and his hands stroking down his sides. Joker scratched his nails up the Bat’s back, hopefully leaving welts. He groaned and gripped the jester’s ass, making Joker push his hips up and grind against Bruce’s bare abs.

Batman kept Joker up like that with one arm while reaching for his belt with the other, pulling out the lube. “You still have that?” Joker asked, a big grin crossing his face.

“I forgot to remove it.” Batman blushed.

“Riiiight.” Joker was sarcastic. The Bat took the lid off with his teeth and poured some on the jester’s entrance. He pushed two fingers inside, being careful because of what happened three days ago. He twisted them slowly and pushed in and out, amazed at how Joker’s hole was still so tight and sucked on his fingers. He added a third digit and pulled the clown up more so he could bend over and suck his dick at the same time. “Oh, Goddammit, Batman…” Joker felt so good. In fact, he can’t remember feeling any better, except for the other times the two have fucked.

Uh oh, Joker felt like something was missing again. But why? What’s missing? He’s got the Batman – _his_ Batman – right here with him, making him feel fucking amazing! And this time they have lube! Joker hated this thought eating his mind; it was distracting him from being sucked off by _fucking_ Batman!

“Is something wrong?” Batman noticed the clown wasn’t quite present.

“No, no, just…” How embarrassing. Now Bats thinks he’s not enjoying it. “Put it in.” Batman raised an eyebrow but began to do as instructed, oiling up his own cock and carefully pressing the head into Joker. “Oooooh…” Joker threw his head back as the Bat pushed in further and further. He had Joker’s full attention now. He jerked his hips up for those last inches, wanting to hit the clown’s prostate on the first thrust. “AAAH!” Joker screamed, feeling electricity go through his whole body.

“J-Joker…” Bruce also shuddered, the feeling of himself in the clown and seeing him shake and cry below him was almost too much. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to the Joker’s red lips, sucking on them fervently while slowly starting to thrust in and out of the clown’s tight entrance.

“Fucking… big bad Bat… uuuhhh…” Joker said in between kisses. He couldn’t even remember what he was thinking about a minute ago. Now it was all about that huge cock in his ass, that sweaty skin on his, and those perfect lips on his mouth. 

Batman felt himself getting close. He pulled Joker up off the bed and the jester was now sitting on his lap. Joker hugged his arms around the Bat’s neck and his legs around his waist. He knew Bats was strong enough to hold him up and fuck him at the same time, and that he did. Bruce grabbed Joker’s ass and pulled him down while he pushed his own hips up to meet the clown’s. In this position, their connection was deeper and tighter. “Bats… it’s so fucking good…” Joker stroked himself, coming in between their bodies.

“Joker!” Batman came deep inside his clown, and they fell back on the bed, catching their breaths. The Dark Knight was ready first, getting up to clean himself and dress.

“You know, I wish I could see your face without knowing who you are.” Joker sat up, watching Batman as he put on his costume, enjoying the view. “You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I think so.” The Bat smiled. He was just thinking something similar, in that he wanted to know Joker’s real name so he could call it out while they were… “I should be out patrolling the city right now.” He became serious as he attached his cape to the cowl.

“But instead you were patrolling my ass.” Joker laughed. “Get your priorities straight.”

“That isn’t the only thing I need to get straight.” Bruce grumbled.

“Here we go, blaming me for everything.” Joker threw his hands up. “Now it’s my fault the Bat’s gay.”

“I’m not gay.” Batman assured the clown, and also himself. “Just you.” He blushed.

“Aw, so sweet.” Joker brought his hand up to caress the Bat’s cheek. “And all mine.”

“Some people might argue with you, there.” He smirked, wanting to rile the jester a bit.

“Who? Like the Cat-lady, or the Demon Head guy’s daughter?” Joker’s eyes widened. “You don’t have a… girlfriend?” He gagged on that word.

“I don’t.” Batman said. “I’m keeping my priorities straight.”

“Ha! What a good boy.” The clown was surprised when the Bat leaned down to kiss him sweetly. No, not sweet, more like… bittersweet.

“I have to go.” The hero simply said, and headed out the door, leaving Joker dumbstruck.

“Bye, dear. Have a nice day at work.” The pale man squeaked, never too out of it to tell a joke.


	5. 5

Batman and Robin were driving in the Batmobile, looking for trouble. It had been about a week since Batman saw Joker last, and ten days for Robin. Bruce, when he wasn’t thinking of the clown, he thought of how awkward it must have been for Tim to see him practically raping Joker. However, he didn’t know how to address it, but it didn’t seem to matter. Tim never brought it up, either.

Until now, that is.

“Bruce, can I talk to you?” The boy wonder asked.

“What is it, Robin?” He didn’t like being called Bruce while in costume.

“Uh, well…” Tim wiggled nervously. “Are you, um… okay? You know, after what happened last week?”

“Why do you ask?” Oh, hell; Tim thought he was the traumatized one. I guess he would think so, since he doesn’t know the relationship Batman and the Joker were having.

“Because it was sick, that’s why.” Tim tried not to yell. “Joker poisoned you with Ivy’s stuff and it makes you rape him! Doesn’t that bother you? Doesn’t it make you ask why?”

“The reason why is that he’s infatuated with me.” Batman could say that much, at least. “He told me he has been for a long time. I obviously thought it was a joke, but he blew that stuff in my face and… you know what happened.” Bruce pulled over into an alleyway. He looked over at his partner, who was having a hard time processing this. “I don’t remember what happened. I’m more worried about what you saw.”

“I’m not the one who was fucking Gotham’s worst criminal.”

“Robin!” Batman didn’t want his adopted son using that language.

“Sorry! It’s just… I can’t believe you aren’t affected by this! It sucks!” Tim shook his head.

“I am affected, but…” The Bat sighed. “I’ve done worse things while I was conscious.”

“Oh, you mean Talia?” Robin smirked.

“Precisely.” Batman was actually thinking of the Joker again. He backed the car up and continued to drive. “I’m also worried if Joker’s alright.”

“He was able to walk away.” Tim pointed out.

“He does have a high threshold for pain.” Bruce didn’t exactly mean physically. Joker’s been acting weird for a while now, and that conversation they had after their last meeting was… normal. They were acting like newlyweds.

Joker always had perverted, romantic jokes about he and Batman for a long time, even before two weeks ago. The Dark Knight would just ignore them and continue his weekly routine of defeating him and taking him to Arkham, but maybe all those times the jester wasn’t kidding. Maybe kidding at first, but then he became more serious as time went on… the Bat wasn’t sure. He could never tell when the madman was joking or serious. Even now, he was having a hard time deciphering.

“Look, a robbery!” Robin pointed to the bank. Good, a little something to take his mind off the damn clown.

BBB

When the dynamic duo was finished they returned home, stepping out of the car and removing their masks. “Bruce?” Tim looked over at his mentor.

“Yes?” He fixed his hair with his hands.

“You know I… don’t think any less of you because of what happened. It wasn’t your fault.”

 _You have no idea._ Bruce thought, suddenly feeling really bad about his secret. If Tim knew what was truly going on, then he would surely think less of him. Probably rock bottom. He wouldn’t know what to do if this secret ever got out. This was worse than anyone finding out his secret identity.

“I was just worried about you. And you don’t have to worry about me, either.” Tim continued.

“Thank you, Tim.” Batman put a hand on Robin’s shoulder. “But I can never stop worrying about you.”

“Even though I’m 17 now?” Tim smirked.

“Especially now.” Bruce shook him playfully before the two headed upstairs. This was getting difficult. Batman would have to start making choices, and very soon.

BBB

“Hello, Batsy.” Joker cooed over the phone.

“It’s late, Joker.” Batman checked the clock tower. It was midnight, a little later than the last times he’s called.

“It took me a while to find the right place for our meeting.” The clown said. “And I think I found it: Thorne-y’s old penthouse. You know the place.”

“I do.” Batman recalled where Rupert Thorne used to live, in a beautiful penthouse that looked over the city from the west side. “Are there any…”

“No, Bats, it’s just me.” Joker paused. “Unless you want an audience.”

“I think you know the answer to that.” The Bat shook his head as the clown giggled on the other end. “I’ll be there shortly.” He hung up and began to fly across the city to meet his clown.

BBB

“There’s my favorite Bat.” Joker saw Batman fly through the open window. They stood in the living room of the penthouse where the jester had a fire going in the fireplace. He had his jacket, tie and shoes removed already. “I’m so glad we can meet casually, now.”

“I’m always on guard with you.” The Dark Knight cautioned the criminal.

“Aw, that hurts.” Joker pouted. “I chose this environment so we could relax and enjoy ourselves.”

“I don’t have time to relax.” Bruce crossed his arms. He realized that this has become an addiction; screwing the Joker. He needed to stop, but…

“But you have time for me. I’m so happy.” Joker began to undo his shirt in a seductive manner as he waltzed over to his Bat.

“Aren’t you always?”

“Whenever you’re around, Bat-love.” The clown grabbed Batman and led him to the big armchair by the fireplace. “Have a seat.” Bruce sat down as instructed, but still kept his wits about him. “Still so tense.” Joker sat on the Bat’s lap. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything tonight.” He leaned down and met those lovely lips with his own, wrapping his thin arms around those broad shoulders. They kissed so long they felt lightheaded due to lack of air, but even then they didn’t stop. Joker’s long, serpent-like tongue battled with Batman’s fiercely, but Bruce really wanted that tongue somewhere else, too… “Ow!” The jester pulled away, looking at his hand. He had tried to remove the utility belt, but it shocked him when he touched it. “I forgot about that.” He watched Bats undo it quickly, and his armor, still leaving them close.

Joker grinned, pulling up the Bat’s top so he could kiss, lick, and bite the hardened and scarred torso underneath. _His teeth are sharp,_ Batman thought as the madman bit his nipples, drawing some blood. He groaned, feeling Joker’s cool hands run around his back and up his sides, and then lower… “Joker…” The clown gripped his erection under the suit.

“Yes, Sweets?” The Joker teased. “What do you want me to do down there?” He gripped it harder, but still didn’t go into the fabric. “Tell me.”

“S-Suck me.” Batman felt out of character. Talking dirty wasn’t his thing but, right now… who knows what he’s thinking, if at all.

“My pleasure.” The infamous smile became wider as he went down to his knees between the Dark Knight’s legs. He raised his hips up so the jester could take the pants down, eyeballing his erection. “General, I’ve loaded the cannon!” Joker took it in his hand. “Fire when ready.” He giggled as he tenderly stroked Batman’s dick, loving the look of ecstasy in his blue eyes. He savored that for a moment before taking most of it in his mouth.

“Nngh!” The Dark Knight tried with all his might not to thrust his hips up and choke the clown. The reptilian tongue circled around his cock, licking it so hard. He threaded his fingers through that green hair, attempting to hold back any sounds that came from his throat. Some managed to escape, and every one that did, the Joker would speed up his sucking. “God… Joker!” He came hard in the clown’s mouth, and he tried to swallow it all, some leaking down his chin.

“Ooh, I’m a god, now?” Joker wiped his chin. “I guess I am after making you come like that.” He stood and removed his trousers. “But we are so not done, Bats. You brought the lube, right, or are we out?” Batman searched his belt for the small bottle of lube and gave it to the clown. “It’s a new bottle! Have we really used up that much already?” He put some on his hands and rubbed it on the Bat’s softening member, but as soon as he touched it, it steadily came back to life. At the same time Joker put two fingers into his own ass, preparing himself for his Bat-love.

Batman watched as the clown worked on himself while stroking him. He squeezed the arms of the chair and grunted, wanting more than those long fingers. “You’re gonna have to tell me what you want from me, Bats. My arms are getting tired.”

“Goddammit, ride me, Joker!” Bruce grunted, grabbing Joker’s hips and pulling him on his lap.

“Oh, Bats. Always a way with words.” Joker smiled and rubbed himself a little on the Bat’s cock before positioning himself over it. He slipped himself completely on the knight’s thickness, and the two groaned loudly together. “Holy fuck, that’s amazing!” Joker growled, burying his face in the crook of Bats’ neck.

 _It certainly is._ Bruce didn’t speak, he just gripped the jester’s hips tighter and pulled him up a few inches before forcing him back down again, repeating the gesture several times.

“That’s even better.” Joker said between gasps. Bruce kissed that pale shoulder and neck offered to him sweetly, making the clown shiver and giggle. Joker started rolling his hips without the Dark Knight’s assistance, finding his sensitive spot and in turn squeezing his entrance around that big cock.

“Joker…” Bruce actually broke out into a sweat under his costume, feeling unbelievable pleasure being inside the clown prince. He wanted to see Joker’s face, so he took his shoulders and pulled him back, seeing a look of ecstasy across the pale white face. He was smiling, like usual, but it was a soft smile complete with trembling red lips. A pink flush covered his high cheekbones, and for once those green eyes didn’t show deadly intent; they were glittering with lust. Bruce lost it. He nearly broke those slender hips with his hands as he came deep inside his clown.

“Batman…!” Joker came too, all over his Bat. He collapsed on top of him, the two breathing heavily. They looked at each other, their demeanors returning to normal. “All mine.” Joker whispered. “Ready for another round?”

“I… can’t.” Batman picked up the thin man and stood up, placing Joker in the chair. “I told you I don’t have time.”

“You’re contradicting yourself again.” Joker posed in the armchair. “Why can’t you just admit you love me?”

“Talk about contradiction.” The Bat fixed himself. “You’ve never said it yourself.”

“If I did…” The clown was getting angry. “You wouldn’t believe me, would you?”

“No.” That was a mistake. He didn’t think before speaking.

“You Bat-bastard.” The jester’s voice went into that low register, the voice he uses when he’s serious and maniacal. “After all I’ve done for you these past weeks! I’ve let you save all those worthless people in exchange for fucking me!”

“And that’s all it’s been: fucking!” Batman tried not to use such language, but the clown brought out the worst in him. “It hasn’t been anything more, has it?”

“I haven’t killed in months!” Joker rose from the armchair, his fingers balled into fists. “I haven’t been myself at all, because I know you hate it! I’ve been changing for you! ALL FOR YOU! Because…” His fingernails put through his palms and caused them to bleed. “It doesn’t fucking matter. You still, still, STILL… don’t trust me.”

“How could I ever after all you’ve done?” Bruce thought about those horrible things… killing Jason, paralyzing Barbara, hurting and murdering countless innocent people… God, how could he be having sex with such a monster? It had to stop, now, before it was too late. He decided to leave it at that and exit through the penthouse window, leaving Joker naked and alone.

“And I thought I was the heartless one.” Joker growled. He kicked the chair into the fireplace and dressed calmly as the whole place caught fire and burned around him.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OC is in this.

_Batman… Batman…_

_Joker thought as he lies in his bed at Arkham, staring at the newspaper article about him and his favorite Bat._

_No matter what I do, you just don’t hate me enough to kill me._

_Joker had hurt the Dark Knight so many times, in so many ways, all to help him finally lose his mind, but it never happened._

_I killed your fucking Robin, Bat-twat! I permanently seated Batgirl, and for what? Oh, you hate me, sure, but it’s not enough. We were so close, too…_

_Batman almost killed Joker the last time they met. The knight held a gun to his head. A fucking GUN! But he didn’t pull the trigger. He actually gave the fully loaded pistol back to Joker and left._

_Why didn’t you do it Bats? Why didn’t you…_

_Wait a minute; why does Joker want to die by Batman anyway?_

_I don’t know. I just…_

_Why doesn’t Joker just kill Batman?_

_I know that one. Because life is no fun without my dear Dark Knight. But he hates me so much, his life would be better without me._

_Why would the Clown Prince of Crime care what his arch-rival thinks?_

_… Fuck, I have no idea._

_Maybe he LIKES Batman._

_What? I do not!_

_Kissy-kissy Batman!_

_No! Cut that out!_

_Batman and Joker sitting in a tree…_

_I don’t love Batman! I don’t love anyone!_

_Joker suddenly felt lonely. No, he hadn’t loved in a long time, but that doesn’t mean he can’t do it again, right?_

_He wouldn’t believe me if I ever said that. Not that I do, I’m just sayin’. Shit, he was really close to me that time, and with the gun in my face and that look in his eyes… I’m a masochist, I’ll admit that. But only for him. Only…_

_Maybe he really did like Batman._

_Maybe it’s the fucking medicine._

BBB

Bruce was feeling uncomfortable about his argument with Joker last night. He was worried that he would lose it and start a murderous rampage of sorts. But what was the Batman supposed to do, let Joker continue on with this fantasy and keep pretending there was nothing wrong with what they were doing?

 _How could I? After all that happened between us, how could I just forget everything in those moments?_ Thank goodness no one else knew about this. Joker could tell, but who’d believe him?

A week had gone by without a peep from Joker. What could he be planning right now? Just then he got a call that would hopefully answer his question. _I forgot to terminate the connection._

“Bats.” Joker sounded stern.

“Joker.” Batman’s brows furrowed.

“I’m at the old comedy club again. We need to talk.”

“What do you…?” The Dark Knight stopped as soon as he heard Joker hang up. “Dammit.” He had to go. When Joker’s not happy, he makes sure no one else is, either.

BBB

When Batman arrived at the club, there was nothing out of the ordinary, outside or inside. He went into Joker’s bedroom, finding the clown staring straight at him with a gun ready at his side. Joker sighed and made a sad face.

“Look, Bats, it’s really not working out between us.” The jester shrugged. “It’s not so much you as it is me. I’m afraid… I’m breaking up with you.” He stopped joking and glared at his nemesis. “So lucky you. You’re a free bat again. Go have a fucking whiskey and get out of here.” He turned around to face the wall.

Well, Bruce wasn’t expecting that. For some reason he actually felt… heartbroken? No, that’s not right, but maybe something like that. Sure, he’s had breakups before, but they were actual relationships. He didn’t feel like this was a breakup, but more like… ending something that never began. However, how could it begin? Batman would have liked to know.

“You’re still here.” Joker looked over his shoulder. “Did I forget to unlock the cage?”

“This is the only reason you called me?” The Bat sounded meaner than he wanted. “To stop something that never started?”

“Like we could have a real relationship, right?” Joker remembered Batman’s words from the other night. He looked at the wall again. “But it was the closest thing I could think of for us, but it still didn’t work.”

“Of course not.” The hero said quietly.

“Then get out!” The madman growled through gritted teeth. “But if you think you’re taking me to Arkham…” He turned and pointed the gun at the Bat’s head. “I’ve got insurance for that.” Joker then pointed the gun to his own head.

“Joker, no!” Bruce held up his hands.

“If you don’t want it to happen, then get the fuck out, NOW!”

The clown wasn’t kidding. The Dark Knight backed out of the doorway and left. He pretended not to notice Joker’s tears.

BBB

Another week has gone by with no Joker calling or messing things up in town. Bruce would actually be relieved if the criminal started ‘working’ again, then maybe they could forget about this and go back to the way things were.

Wait, that shouldn’t happen, either, because innocent people will be killed again. Maybe Joker will be interested in whom the Batman really is, and hurt people close to him. Neither choice was a good one.

What if he did actually have a relationship with the clown and the word got out? It would be a catastrophe. Batman would become even more of an enigma than he already was. No one would trust him; they would think he’d gone crazy or turned to villainy.

Maybe looking through Joker’s asylum papers would help him figure something out. He cracked open Arkham’s files on his computer and read through the clown’s reports over and over, still not sure about himself. He sat back and let his eyes wander over the screen, gazing at some names of doctors who recently logged in. He came across a familiar name: Dr. Lee Cross. _I wonder how she’s doing._ Bruce asked himself, clicking on her file. It was good for her to be able to go back to work after what happened with Joker a while ago. As he glanced over her profile, he noticed that she was a psychologist who specialized in unhealthy romantic relationships such as abusive men and women, crazed obsessions, and sex therapy in general.

 _Maybe I could speak to her about this._ He suddenly got the idea. Of course he wouldn’t tell her everything, just about Joker and how he’s been strange lately. _Why not? I’ve been making odd decisions lately anyway._ Batman jumped in his car and headed to Arkham Bridge. The doctors should be clocking out by now.

BBB

Dr. Cross said goodnight to her co-workers before walking up to the bus stop. Instead of the bus, the Bat-mobile pulled up and the Dark Knight rolled down the window, looking right at the young doctor. She and the bystanders gasped. “Need a ride?” He asked seriously.

“Um, sure?” She cautiously got into the passenger’s seat, and the Bat drove them in the direction of the doctor’s apartment, leaving the bystanders looking confused.

“I need to speak with you.” Batman told her, keeping his eyes on the road.

“About?”

“The Joker.” He said. She looked at him. “I know you never treated him, but you might know more about what to do with him than Whistler.”

“You’re not taking me to him, are you?” She didn’t really sound scared.

“No. I can’t find him.” The Batman and the doctor were silent for a while until she giggled under her breath. “What?”

“You know, I had a feeling I’d see you again.” She smiled.

“Is that so?” Bruce wondered. “What made you think that?”

“Well, I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I think I know what happened that night.” She said. Bruce’s breath caught in his throat. “I am a psychologist of these kinds of things. I know the signs.” She could tell the Bat was uncomfortable. “But, like I said, I’m not sure.”

“You did some research, didn’t you?”

“Of course. I was interested in what I got involved in.” She sounded confident. Batman was actually… pleasantly surprised. _What an intelligent girl._ He parked in an alley close to her apartment building. They got out of the car, he took her by the waist, and they grappled to her balcony. “Do you want something to eat or drink?” She asked as they went inside.

“No thanks.” He said.

“I’ll make tea for myself, then.” She went to the small kitchen and started making tea. “You wanna sit down?”

“Don’t misunderstand. I’m not one of your patients.” He growled.

“Is that right?” She smirked. The Bat was slightly taken aback by her spunk. She took the tea and went to sit on the sofa. “I understand the Joker’s been acting differently.”

“Yes.” He sat down opposite her in a wicker chair.

“What happened that night?” She asked, sipping her tea. He was silent for a while. “I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re thinking. I didn’t even tell Dr. Whistler that I looked at her reports. Please…” She looked him in the eyes. “I want to help.”

“He… wanted me to kill him.” Bruce began. “He already knew the answer I would give, so he decided on another option.”

“And that was?”

“… To have sex with him.” He swallowed. She nodded knowingly. “He said he was attracted to me. Naturally, I didn’t think he was serious. But he was serious about killing you.”

“So… you did have sex with him to save me?” She asked.

“I had no other choice.” He looked down at the floor.

“Thank you, though.” Dr. Cross smiled. “How did you feel while it was happening?” His eyes shot up and glared at her. “Right, you’re not the patient.” She drank some tea. “He set you up again, right? At the shipping yard?”

“You did study.”

“It was on the front page of the paper.” She said.

“He did set me up.” Batman sighed. “Once again, no choice.”

“He got away, though.” She pointed out. “I didn’t hear anything in the news, but it kept happening, huh?” _She’s too smart for her own good._

“I wouldn’t have if he wasn’t threatening lives.” Bruce tried to make that clear, but it wasn’t true for the last few encounters.

“Are you sure there was no other way?” Dr. Cross leaned in. The Dark Knight didn’t answer. “Did you enjoy all those times?”

“This was a mistake.” Batman stood from his seat. “I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

“I’m not judging you, Batman!” She stood too, hurrying to catch his arm. “I don’t blame you for enjoying it, if you did. Love-making is wonder…”

“It wasn’t that at all.” He shook her off. “I was only protecting the city!”

“That’s fine, too.” She had to stay calm. “But you could have just returned him to Arkham.”

“But I didn’t.” He scowled. “I didn’t! I let it continue. He said if it did, he wouldn’t kill anyone.”

“Has he kept his promise?”

“So far.” He cringed, remembering that they ‘broke up’. “Who knows how long it will last. He’s a psychopath, it’s a mental illness. He can’t just stop on his own.”

“You’re right.” She went to sit down, hoping the Batman would, too. “He still needs therapy and medicine, but he also needs to be willing to do it. This sounds like a good start to me.”

“I can’t trust him.” He rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “All the things he’s… what if this is just another joke?”

“I don’t think it is.” She shook her head. “Has he told you he loves you?”

“No. Not exactly.”

“Love is a strong word. It must be hard for him to say. The two of you are… alike, in this sense. You’re both strong-willed men, with pride and reputations to uphold.”

“Do you think I love him?” He balled up his fists.

“You definitely care for him.” She wasn’t afraid. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.” He was silent again. She sighed. “You never really asked me your ultimate question.”

“Does he love me?” Bruce felt sick asking that.

“Based on what I read and what you’ve told me… yes, he does.”

“This is wrong.” He wilted into the chair.

“Believe it or not, this isn’t the craziest story I’ve heard.” The doctor laughed. “And you’re not insane. You’re attracted to him, but you still realize he’s sick and needs help. You’re definitely not Harley Quinn II.”

“Great.” He moaned unhappily. “There’s something else.”

“What?” She asked, very interestedly.

“I did end it… well, he did, really.”

“How did that go?” She wasn’t happy to hear that.

“Horribly.” Batman replied. “He threatened to shoot himself if I didn’t leave.”

“That’s not good. He might still be contemplating suicide, if he didn’t do it already.”

 _Why should I care?_ He thought. _But I do, and I hate it._

“I have an idea.” Dr. Cross said. “Take him out on a date.” Batman looked confused. “Not in public, maybe just sitting on a rooftop together, and some champagne…”

“I just said that it was…”

“But neither of you wanted it to end, did you?” She smirked. “Consider my suggestion. It might help your relationship.”

“And what should we do after that? Get married?” Bruce couldn’t even imagine. “We could never have a relationship like that.”

“No, you couldn’t.” She agreed. “Something like what the two of you have could never be what most consider ‘normal’. But it could still be a happy one. And I believe if anyone could handle that, it’d be you two. And Joker could finally stop being a criminal… for you.”

The Bat blinked a few times, processing what she said. Not normal, but still happy? Maybe… He did want the clown, but he still wasn’t sure if ‘love’ was the right word. There was only one way to find out. “Thank you for your help, doctor.”

“No problem.” She smiled warmly. He stood and turned to leave. “That’ll be 200 bucks.” He turned and stared at her. “Just kidding.” She held up her hands in defense, giggling a little. “Just give Joker a chance.”

“I’ll try.” He jumped off the balcony and glided to his car. “I gave him so many chances before. This had better be the last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of put myself into the story as Dr. Lee Cross. I am nowhere near as beautiful or intelligent, but I feel like I could beat Batman in an argument, and not feel threatened or scared of him.


	7. 7

“A date, huh?” Bruce thought out loud, stepping into the shower. “With the Joker? It sounds ridiculous.” He laughed painfully, imagining the two on some cheesy romantic dinner, then holding hands while walking on the beach, then… “Ridiculous.” He shook his head and turned on the water, attempting to wash those stupid thoughts away. If he was going out as Bruce Wayne with any girl, he might think along those lines. But Joker is a man. A very flamboyant man, and a lunatic, but still a man.

 _It doesn’t have to be in public, maybe just sitting on a rooftop together with some champagne…_ Dr. Cross’s suggestion was a good and simple one, but maybe something a little more personal? Joker likes Batman’s toys and has always wanted to see the Batcave… no way, way too soon to let the crazed clown that close. Maybe a ride in the Batmobile would suffice. Champagne sounds good too, supposedly… “Weird.” Bruce finished his shower.

The most important thing is finding Joker. Would he still be at the club or one of his other many hideouts? And when he found the jester, how would he convince him to come along without having to physically fight him? When Joker makes up his mind, it’s usually the final statement, no questions. Joker’s been suicidal lately, as well. What if… what if Batman found him dead? “I should hurry.” He put on a clean Batsuit and left without telling Alfred.

BBB

It took the Dark Knight two hours to find the damned clown. After questioning some homeless bystanders, he finally found him sitting in the condemned apartment that he handcuffed him in a few weeks ago. “I always find you in the last place I think of.” Batman tried sounding lighthearted. He actually surprised the jester and he jumped up off the bed.

“What the hell do you want?” Joker wasn’t exactly pleased. The Bat got a closer look at his rival, seeing that his green hair was a mess, his clothes tattered, his exposed skin covered in bruises, and his eyes puffy and red.

“What happened to you?” Bruce asked, clearly concerned.

“I slipped on a banana peel.” The clown seemed listless in his joke-telling. “What do you care?”

“I care when people get hurt.” Batman took a step closer.

“According to you, I’m not a person.” Joker sat down again. “Just leave. You piss me off.”

“Really?” Bruce taunted, though it didn’t seem to be getting him anywhere. He needed to use more force. “Come with me.”

“I know what that means.” The clown held up his wrists. “Back to the crazy house.”

“We’re not going there.” Batman took one of Joker’s hands in his own. “We’re going somewhere else.”

“Shit, I hope it ain’t Sing Sing. They love my ass in there.” He was still joking as the Bat pulled him up to his feet.

“If you behave, there’ll be no need to cuff you.” Batman smiled.

“You’re acting weird.” Joker’s brows furrowed. “And if I may say so, I consider myself an expert on the subject.”

“Say whatever you like.” He took the jester and they jumped out the window landing next to the Batmobile. “Just don’t touch anything.” He opened the passenger door for Joker.

“We are going to Sing Sing, aren’t we?”

BBB

The two drove down Gotham highway, leaving the city and entering the woods. Joker kept going on about how he didn’t want to go back to the prison and about some guys who raped him there while Bats just drove and listened but not all that intently.

“You do realize we’re not driving in that direction?” Bruce finally interrupted.

“Then where the hell are we going?” The clown yelled. “Why did I agree to this? I hate you!”

“Is that really how you feel?”

“What are you, a Bat-shrink?” Joker jerked forward a bit as the Batmobile came to a stop. They were stopped on the edge of a cliff, the bay water splashing against the rocks. They could see the whole city from here, and the whole bay. The moon was full and beautiful. “Are we going to do the Thelma and Louise thing?”

“Is death all you think of?” Batman didn’t realize how serious that question was until after he asked it.

“I hardly ever thought of anything else.” He gave that classic Joker smile, but it washed away as quickly as it came.

“Until recently, right?” Bruce and Joker stared at each other.

“You are such a stalker.” The criminal smirked. Suddenly, he jerked forward, as if in pain.

“What’s wrong?” The Bat undid his seatbelt and reached over to Joker.

“My water just broke.” The Joker looked up and saw Batman’s deadpan face. The clown burst out laughing, though still in pain. “You’re so boring. I got in a fight.”

“What?” The hero was disappointed. He removed Joker’s hand from his side and saw blood staining his purple clothes. “Joker…”

“I didn’t start it!” The jester explained. “I was just walking around minding my own business and some of my old cronies pulled some knives on me. They wanted to get paid, and so I did just that. With interest.” He giggled.

“You… killed them?” Batman stuttered. _I knew he wouldn’t change._

“It was self-defense, judge.” Joker knew what the man was thinking. “Even though I’m feeling pretty shitty these days, I don’t want to be killed by losers.”

“Joker…” Bruce shook his head. He can’t help feeling a little guilty for all of this, even though it’s not really his fault. “Unbutton your shirt.”

“Oh my…” The clown knew what for, but played it up anyway. “I guess one more before Sing Sing won’t hurt.”

“I’m not taking you to jail.” The Bat pulled out a disinfected bandage from his belt and found the wound on that pale skin, sticking it on. “Good, it’s not so deep.”

“Whoop-dee-doo.” Joker hissed as the disinfectant stung his skin. “Anyway, why are we here?”

“I thought…” Bruce didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t want to mention that Dr. Cross helped him out; he didn’t want to put her in potential danger if this didn’t work out. “I thought it’d be nice to take a short vacation.”

“Are you serious?” Joker scoffed. “Are you really Batman?”

“I’m being… my other self.” The Bat was careful with his word choices. “He’s better than you think.” He pressed a button and the compartment between their seats opened, revealing a small bottle of wine and two glasses. “Drink?”

“Holy shit.” Joker seemed embarrassed, putting his head in his hand.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Batman took the bottle and poured half a glass for the Clown Prince. “Don’t spill it.”

“Is this your idea of a date?” The jester took the glass.

“It’s… the best we can do.” He poured a glass for himself, remembering what both Joker and the doctor said: their relationship can never be normal.

“Aw, you…” The clown giggled and flicked his wrist. “A toast, then, to the most dysfunctional couple in town!”

“You forgive me, then?” Their glasses clinked.

“Of course!” Joker seemed ‘normal’ again. “And, even though I definitely didn’t do anything wrong, I’ll a-a-apologize too.” He choked on that word.

“Just when I thought I’d heard it all from you.” Bruce took a sip.

“Not everything.” The jester drank all the wine in one shot. “I have more out-of-character things to say.”

“Like…?”

“Maybe later, after I finished off this booze.”

“Joker…”

“Kidding, jeez.” Joker paused. “Why did you pick here of all places for our date?”

“It’s a nice view, don’t you think?”

“Actually…” He poured himself another glass. “It kinda is. You can’t see all the useless people from here.”

“How can you say that?” The Dark Knight didn’t get angry; he was simply curious. “They all have jobs to do; they all contribute to society, even the homeless.”

“And my job…” The criminal smiled evilly. “Is to bring chaos to their boring routines.”

“But why must you kill?” Batman sighed. “I don’t understand.”

“Apparently, it’ll take a few more years if you don’t get it by now.”

“You haven’t really changed, have you?” Batman took another drink.

“Guess not.” Joker drank as well. “I tried, though.”

“Please try again. This time, with medicine and therapy.”

“Do you really think that stuff works?”

“You have to believe it works, and believe in yourself to commit to it.”

“Thanks for that, Oprah.” The jester replied. “But if I do that, I’ll no longer be my amazing self.”

“That’s not true.” The hero said. “I’m sure that you’d still be as unfunny as you are now.”

“Man, you are on a roll tonight.” Joker laughed. “Hey, which one of these buttons is the radio?”

“That one.” Batman allowed the clown the honor of pushing it. He tuned it to find the smooth jazz station. “Good choice.”

“Perfect porn music.” Joker finishes the wine as the Bat shakes his head but grins.

“So…” Bruce finishes his glass, too. “What have you been thinking about in the past months?”

“I thought you knew, Bat-stalker.” The crazy clown sighed. “I’ve been thinking about you, of course.”

“I gathered that.” Bats put his glass down. “I was asking about the specifics.”

“You know, if I wanted to talk about it, I would have with the Gretch.” He nicknamed Dr. Whistler. “It’s embarrassing.” He sounded like a valley-girl.

“That’s what’s puzzling me.” Batman said. “I would think that you would be happy to announce such a thing to the whole world.” He could imagine the madman running through the halls of Arkham crying out his sexual attraction to Batman and feel no shame, or at least kiss-and-tell after their first encounter. But no, he was being quiet and respectful about the whole thing, keeping their moments as private as possible and not telling anyone, not even his stooges about it.

“You think I’m that much of a whore?”

“You do have a massive ego. It would certainly feed it.”

“You’d think so.” Joker squirmed in his seat. “But my ego has been taking hits from all this.”

“Why?” The Bat asked. He didn’t get it. Joker got Batman to enjoy his sexual company, enough to keep coming back for more and to mend things by going on this date.

“Because, believe it or not, and I know you won’t…” The prince sighed, turning away from those blue eyes. “I’ve been feeling… guilty. You were sweet all those times we did it, and I felt like I didn’t deserve it. You were right. After all the shit I did to you… that’s why I was wallowing around in the asylum. It wasn’t because I wanted you; it was because I knew I didn’t deserve you.”

Bruce was shocked. He sat there silent for a long time. The Joker was finally feeling guilt? That was amazing. Maybe he really can be rehabilitated. This was an amazing breakthrough in the crazy man’s life, and hopefully will lead to more good news. Still, it was kind of sad hearing the clown say he wasn’t deserved.

“I hate all this serious talk!” Joker threaded his hands through his hair and pulled it slightly, not appreciating the silence. “I feel like I’m in an after-school special.” Bruce reached over and took Joker’s gloved hands in his own, making him look into his eyes once more.

“Everyone deserves to be loved, Joker.” Batman took the clown’s gloves off. “Everyone deserves to live, to be given a second chance. So let me help you. Please…” He kissed the scars on the prince’s fingers, just what he didn’t want him to do. Joker’s face flushed red. “Do it for me. I… I love you, Joker.” He said it. He admits it.

“You… serious?” The jester felt this weird wave go through him.

“I am. Don’t you believe me?” Batman stole Joker’s line.

“You Bat-shithead.” He smiled genuinely. “Since I love you too, I’ll try again. For you.”

“Thank you.” The Bat leaned in and kissed his clown passionately, cupping his head in his leather-clad hands. The kiss felt like their first, like they were starting over. Bruce ran his fingers through the green and surprisingly thick hair while Joker clashed his tongue with his Bat’s, the slow war ending as a stalemate. They pulled away for air.

“How are we gonna fuck in this little car?” Joker asked, taking off his tattered coat. Batman pressed a button and the interior of the vehicle changed; the compartment in the middle folded down under the seats and they became one. The space between the seats and the dashboard became a foot longer, and the buttons and steering wheel folded away as well, leaving plenty of room for the two to start their fun. “It’s a fucking Pimp-mobile!” He laughed.

“It’s for medical purposes.” The Dark Knight clarified.

“Not anymore.” Joker pulled Bats in for another sweet kiss, this time being able to close the gap between their bodies. Batman took off his cape and belt and pushed the clown into a lying position, eagerly kissing his pale neck. The jester moaned hotly, his pants already feeling tight. “Bats…” The Bat started undoing the buttons of the orange shirt. “Just rip it off. It’s torn, anyway.” He complied, tearing the fabric away plus the bottoms. He pulled away for a second, admiring the bruised, scarred, and yet beautiful body before him. He reminded himself to be careful as he just bandaged an open wound. “What?”

“I never touched you before.” Bruce said, taking off his gloves.

“Careful, you might get rabies.” The crazy man joked. The Bat reached down and ran his bare hands down Joker’s neck, shoulders, and chest, stopping to tweak and squeeze his nipples. Joker squirmed a little, blushing furiously and moaning like a virgin. Bruce smiled at this, and replaced his hands with his mouth. “Ooh, shit…” The Dark Knight started kissing and touching him all over, amazed at how soft the stark white skin actually was. He specifically kissed the scars, reminding the prince that he was loved and desired. The clown pushed his hips up, wanting to be touched there. Batman grasped Joker’s hard penis and gave it a long, slow stroke. “Nnnngh…”

“Joker…” Bruce sped up his hand, using the other one to pull down his uniform. He put their cocks together and stroked them both vigorously. They both groaned loudly as they came together. Batman leaned over Joker, putting his hands on either side of his head. “What’s your real name?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Joker looked up.

“Your real name.” The Bat asked. “What is it? Just the first.”

“I knew you would ask. Of course you’d never tell me your name in return…?” The jester got that angry Bat-glare. “Jack.”

“Jack?”

“Yeah, Jack, as in the other playing card that starts with ‘J’ but isn’t as awesome?”

“It suits you.” Bats smiled. “Can I call you that?”

“Meh, I guess.” The prince shrugged. “But only you can call me that, and don’t tell anybody!”

“Right.” The Bat leaned down to kiss the newly named ‘Jack’. He pulled out the lube and was about to rub it inside the Joker.

“Oh, please, just put it in. I’ve been waiting long enough!” Jack took Bruce’s length in his hand, pointing it to his entrance. Batman agreed, and oiled himself up completely. He thrust the head inside and they both gasped; the two really have waited long enough. Joker wrapped his arms around his Bat’s neck, pulling him in further into his tight hole. “Holy fuck, Batman.”

“Jack…” Bruce really loved saying that. He thrust in all the way, knowing Joker could handle the momentary pain. After a slight yelp in pain and a few deep breaths, Batman started moving in and out slowly but powerfully. He was already hitting the clown’s prostate.

“AAAH!” Joker cried. He bucked his hips with Batman’s, the two creating a hard and ever faster rhythm. It was all so hot, so wet; they were finding it hard to breathe. And this time, the criminal felt complete. This time, Joker had the Bat and they loved each other. And, of course, they had lube. “Bats… coming…”

“Me too, Jack.” The Dark Knight whispered lovingly and felt Joker release in between them. Batman came seconds after, so deep inside the clown. “I love you Jack.” He gently kissed his jester.

“Aw, I bet you say that to all the crazy clowns.” The criminal said between breaths.

“You are… going to try to rehabilitate, right?” The Bat was still concerned.

“You bastard. You just made up with me to make me get fixed.” Joker smirked. “It worked.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’ll go it, Gawd!” Jack rolled his eyes. “But first…” He sat up on his elbows and whispered in Bruce’s ear. “Seconds?”

“You serious?”


End file.
